I think they’re right!…Change really IS the only constant!!! If life has taught me anything, it is that one can neither count on their expectations being met nor things remaining as they are. Doing so only leads to suffering. The suffering arises in numerous forms such as desiring, cravings, clinging, attachments as well as feelings of unworthiness. For one to truly be happy, one must truly understand the meaning of the phrase, ‘let go and let God’ and apply it to their life. If you find you are not there yet and you really want to be, you may find this affirmation helpful… ‘I am aware of and acknowledge God’s will for me and am in the flow. God (Universe, Spirit, Creator etc., you choose!…) use me in the best suited way to serve the highest good of humanity and the planet as a whole.
One must do their very best not to allow outside circumstances whether positive or negative, to determine their sense of value, peace and happiness as doing so is a recipe for deep suffering. There is nothing wrong with finding enjoyment in external things, or situations or even in other people but if your value and sense of worth or even your happiness depends on them, you will experience severe lows. That is because once these people or things leave your life, or you go back to being on your own, so much unhappiness arises. Its almost like when there are such highs, there are with them the equivalent lows. A balance is achieved once this realization occurs.
Therefore a much more even state begins to be your reality. We gain clarity for what feels like the first time! We see that all of our disappointments have been self-created! We were gaining some sort of satisfaction playing the victim to outside circumstances in the past but the suffering got to be too much and forced us to grow!!! This expansion is the key! Peace and happiness is and has always been, ours for the taking! We used to view these states as out of our control but now the change in perspective allows us to see that all the weight we used to put on external circumstances was all unnecessary and led us to suffer. We choose finally to be free!
Looking outside of oneself for happiness (or excitement) often leads to many distractions that only serve to keep us locked into our suffering or unconsciousness. Don’t get discouraged though if you go back to old habits now and then. It is simply part of the process of healing that we get tempted and go back to our old ways, looking outside for a feeling of contentment and thereby getting pulled back in to suffering. This happens over and over as we repeat our ‘patterns’ until we finally ‘wake up’ for good to what is really going on. Our wrong view has always been our only issue. The rest, a giant drama self-inflected. This is the real work. Because we are used to and therefore comfortable with our old ways or patterns we will continually go back before we can ever go forward. It is in this suffering that we decide we have no choice but to change once and for all, if we are even going to feel well. (Emotionally, mentally, spiritually.)
I know everyone and their mom teaches that to be happy one must be of service. As someone who identifies as a co-dependant, I am actually focusing on giving more to myself right now, than to others, since over-giving has been an issue for me in the past. (I used to associate being needed with being loved and valued.) I do agree though that for one to sleep well at night, and feel a sense of genuine fulfillment from their life, one must give. I personally feel happiest when I’m playing a positive and contributing role in society and when I am being generous…whether that be hosting dinners for friends and family, providing inspiration to those who seem to have given up hope and/or forming and maintaining genuine connections with my chosen family.
The bonus in making the change in myself has been that my external circumstances continue to improve! There is less and less drama. Peace and happiness are not as fleeting as they once felt. But what describes my experience most accurately in this regard is a quote by Paul Twitchell; “If I had been surprised at what had happened so far, that this was going to surpass all, until my other experiences would be dwarfed in size and magnitude. Like putting a child in competition with a man of strength.”
May all beings be happy and at peace.